Once again, before I begin, I will add a disclamer. Some of the thing you read might upset you and make you look at me in a different way. This is not my hope. My hope through writing is that I can change, not only myself, but maybe someone else. Some one who knows the feelings I have. So..... that being said....
Addiction is defined as the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. 'Enslaved to a habit', those words say it all. It is the feeling that you have to do it, that you need to do it, that you will not be able to make it without. Many people do not understand the feeling, cause they are not an addict. It is easy for people to judge and condem addicts because of this. My own family does not understand. I have, recently, had several talks with Gran; and while she will never fully understand, she does get it, and she is an encouraging force behind my decision to quit. I have been drinking for years. Add in extracurricular activities and its a wonder why I am still alive. Let me clarify, when I say drink, I dont mean 1 or 2 beers; its more like 6-12-24 a night. Yes, I know that number is outrageous looking at it. I cant have just one and stop. Ive tried. I have wanted to quit for years, just never had the strength to. But I have put my foot down and told myself it is time. I want to cut the strings on the slaveholder..aka...alcohol.. and be me again. I dont want to be, what they have called me at work, 'a functioning alcoholic'. Thats not who I want to be known as and if I ever want to make it in this world I need to change now. So, today marks day13, minus one slip(which I will talk about in a min). The first four days where horrible. My head was pounding, my body was aching, I was shaking, sweating, all the good stuff. But I made it. Cause I knew I had too. My one slip came when I wasnt strong enough to resist going out to my usual Friday night Karaokee with friends. I started good, with a diet coke and monster, but all the alcohol around me, I wasnt ready. I shouldnt have gone, and I regret that I did. However, it did make me realize that I want this more than I ever imagined I did. So here it is Thursday, 13 days after the 1st non drinking day, and I am feeling good. I realize I am tired now, which in reading articles is a way of my body answering to no alcohol. Maybe I was tired for years and just never could get rest. I have about 20 different things planned for this weekend to keep me busy as not to slip again. I know that I will lose friends over my decision, but if you will walk away when I need support the most, then you really wernt a friend to begin with. I fight this every moment of every day, and I ask that you keep me in your prayers. Trying to stay focused on school, family, and God. I have faith that I will beat this addiction and cant wait to look back after 30 days, then 60, then 6 months, then a year... and know I did the right thing.
Well, thats my story and Im sticking to it! haha!
Peace out.. have a great and prosperous day!
