All About Me

So, I guess to understand my blog you should first know about me. What makes me tick. First of all, I am a christian. I have to love of the Lord in my heart and soul, and while Im not the strongest or best christian, I do love the Lord and hope one day to become a strong christian woman people look up to like my mom. I am the queen of horrible decisions. That is an understatment I believe. I havebeen in horrible relationships that everyone knew was wrong, but I was to blind to see, I have played with fire and gotten burnt, I have went swimming without a life jacket and drown. I know, how could someone make so many bad decisions, not possible, oh but it it. I graduated hs with so much potiential, only to find out I was pregnant and come home to become a single parent at 19. Big mistake number 1. Now as I say that let me clarify something, my child was not the mistake, he saved me, although being a single parent at 19 without an education or a career, lets just say that was the bad part. Then enter bad decision number 2, another child, still single, still without a career. At this point you would think I would wise up, not so. I got into a relationship that truely everyone knew was wrong but me. However much I loved this man, he did not love me, and the bruises and all the tears proved it. Finally 10 long years later that life ended for me, to the praise of many. And even though now, 3 yrs later, I can see the faults in all of it, I still sometimes look back and think about the few good times and smile. Lessons learned I guess. Of course now my relationships are few and far between and the ones I seem to get into are odd. But the Lord will send the right one some day. I know he will.
Along with bad decisions, hurt and loss make up the wall I have built around me. My mother passed ten years ago, she was the single greatest woman I ave ever know. I hope to be like her one day. After mom, my two best girlfriends, who I would consider my sisters, passed away 6 months to the day of each other. I can remember those phone calls as if I just recieved them. The life being sucked out of me at that very moment. Choices we all made over the years lead to their untimely deaths, and I fight hard each day to not let the past put me in the grave with them. I miss them and my mom more than anything in the world. Leaves you lonely when  the 3 most important people in your adolecent life are gone for good.
As for this time in my life, I have chosen that life is important. And through all the negative, I am trying to. I have moved my family out of the city I grew up in cause trouble was to accessible, I have gone back to school full time, and although I am not doing so well at it, am trying to stop drinking (this may take some time).
So, thats a little about me. My next blog will be more positive cause it will be about my pride and joys, Riley and Dakota.
Have a great night.